Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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