I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
