so that wasnt chicken after all
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
