they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
