just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
