If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
tell me about the fingering
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