We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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