420 ftw
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
