i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
