Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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