he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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