BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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