i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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