first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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