First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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