Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
