I accidentally had phone sex last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
