I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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