I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
