Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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