How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
