she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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