go do what you do best...puke behind churches
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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