You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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