she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
