roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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