also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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