the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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