Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
