we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
