Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
