so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i now understand why vodka
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
