Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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