blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize