I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
