You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i will never coherently bang her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
