david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
