I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
