May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i love accidental penises.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
