I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
