How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
