Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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