Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
