she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
