Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
