she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize