i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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