he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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