You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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