Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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