I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
