I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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