I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
