I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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