i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
