Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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