I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
