How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
