First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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