so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
