dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I understand Curling. That high.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
