the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
