i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
