If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
