I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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