Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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