just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
