I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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