Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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