You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
